what it is all about

i seem to be forgetting what it is all about.

this is a shout-out of what i agreed with myself from the very start.

i forgot why. why i played it slow. why i didn't even try to get a contact number when i could have easily transfixed you with my smooth, baritone voice. why i focused more on talking openly and spending time than getting a date. why i shared principles and remained abided by them, calling a jerk a jerk and stressing that i'm not one. why i wrote a letter trying my very best to show that i'm pure and true. why i'm trying to be an effortless funny person (not a try hard) when i'm really a melodramatic, emotional person; on how i can be witty sometimes (a triumph in itself) when my mind is not erratic.

that answer to that why is: i want to be a friend.

i fast-forwarded actions a little bit, insecure of diminishing spent time and worried a lot that your heart is now elsewhere. just because of a rival. because of this, i'm forgetting my real intention. to be a friend.

now a wall of tension hangs around. i'm going nuts trying to figure out how to shatter it. else, the possibility of growing farther apart.

how i wish it can grow. which means going back to my real intention. if only i'm as sanguine as you.