Status

feels like everytime i inhale, i sense the narcotics that didn't work inhabiting the holistic area of my respiratory system.

feels like everytime i wipe my spectacles, there is a definitive blur in my sight, due to miscalculated calibrating of my lenses, or an apparent and inherent lacking of it. i'm sure it's the latter.

feels like everytime i sip my dose of caffeine, my system literally gets nervous. it's an icky feeling of stimulating. forcibly and deliberately. jumpstarting the sleeping natural order of things.

transient response is different from steady-state response. it seems like i have no choice if decadence is the my nature.

Paranoid

I've lost my voice. Literally.

Got sick last feb 20. I practically lost my head voice for 3 weeks. Which is different from the diaphragm voice, where the low notes come from.

Since changing my antibiotic, i'm in the process of recovering my voice. It's improving. But not after a scare of not being able to sing forever. Just kept myself busy, although some paranoia attacks surface from time to time, just tried to keep my mind off it. Which is hard. When you vocalize each and every day.

Will take a chest x-ray the soonest. Can't explain why some mucus keep sticking.

Tupperware

i've had my shortcomings. makes me want to go back in time and read the lines. find the motivation why i find myself in this place.

but it has become worst.

my nasal cavity dripping like an open faucet, my temperature flip flopping like a gate of transistors and my respiratory system almost coughing out blood.

why can't i explain something that is correct when i'm not confident?

even though appearing confident is the last thing i can do when my lungs are bursting out.

honestly i just want to get through it. obviously i can't defend it well when i want it to end the moment i started. my fault, yes. but don't trample over my soul.

makes me want to lash out at this tupperware skin.

rage. one fist. buried in your hernia.