speak in riddles

i thought i had it all figured out.

the space created will open up a new direction for me.

now everything's blown up right in my face.

and everyone else is happy.

not me.

never me.

right now, it feels that i made this decision to make mistakes again.

because i never figured it out.

i was hoping against hope that i will understand.

but i still don't.

fuck, i have to.

i want to be optimistic enough that i will learn from this.

damn.

social casualty

i'm currently in a Smallville season 4 marathon. this season is a notch up in terms of baring flesh, kissing scenes and anything to simulate and stimulate. because this is their senior year. even a superhero in the making has his R&R. whew! Lois Lane looks old but she's hot. :p

Kiki's Delivery Service is VERY, VERY, VERY heart-warming. I enjoyed it more than Castle in the Sky. The term is PREDICATE. Making something STRANGE become FAMILIAR. The parallel between a witch flying in her broomstick and a boy's dream to fly using man-made invention is remarkable and is made to inspire rather than deter. I have to look for My Neighbor Totoro and Graveyard of the Fireflies next. Miyazaki-san is truly a genius!

After 2 Christmas parties and almost 3 straight drinking days, I still can't feel Christmas!!! What's wrong with me?! Arghh! I can feel being creatively unfocused more than ever! It's maybe because I'm stuck inside the house rather than do some Christmas shopping. And why am I not buying any gifts? Rats! Yeah I know, it's time to upgrade the corny jokes and admit I'm a living casualty. Emphasis on LIVING.

GIG

finally, a gig has landed my way.

but just because it's the only sure ball gig that i can find for a struggling wannabe musician like myself.

at december 15, wednesday, somewhere in college of engineering. there will be two events actually. both are from 1 o' clock to 4 o' clock. and for clarification, the two events won't happen at the same time. ( okay, okay, one is at the afternoon, one is at late, late evening. got it? )

on where exactly, just find where the noise is.

and as an added incentive, we're gonna cover switchfoot. hehe. honestly i'm a late bloomer in listening to switchfoot. i only bought the cd a couple of days ago. i thought it was too mainstream for my taste before. we're gonna cover both hit singles in the "beautiful letdown" album. so i dare you guys to move and watch us. it's meant that way.

the demise of my coaching career

losing makes you question why you love basketball so much.

makes you ask why you spent so much time watching NBA, PBA, and International games. makes you ask why you play the game with so much vigor wanting to excel in it even if you're not 6 feet tall. makes you ask why you skip board review classes just to mentor a team led by an allen iverson-play-alike which makes you realize larry brown's headaches with the 76ers. makes you ask why you simulate those shadow 3-point shots a la dirk nowitzki. makes you ask why you breathe and live basketball.

i sacrificed a lot for this team. i believed in them. maybe all i was asking was for them to respect my decisions as coach. and when those simple gestures are lost, it's time to know when it's time to step down.

although my star player apologized and even motioned for me to play again (i acted as full-time coach this year), you will ask those questions again and again and again. can you ask your star player not to play hero all the time and share the spotlight to at least a second star player? as michael jordan to scottie pippen? just to remember that we are not professionals, but friends.

we were blown out by almost 20 points by our rival organization. we were shut out of making it to the finals game. i asked myself, "can i do this again next year?" i answered, "i can't allot much time for this if ever i will take my masterals, more so if i already work."

it's time to quit.